“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”
Almost one week ago now, a good friend of mine & coworker took his life. It wasn’t anything anyone saw coming. It wasn’t the news I expected to hear, Sunday night, from the other end of the telephone. Of all people I know and have known, it seemed to me he may be one of the last ones I’d expect to lose this way. Nevermind his love of guns, his clearly rebellious nature. The excessive double gin & tonics.
Sadly this is the third time I have lost someone dear to me to suicide. However, it is never easy- as death of any kind of someone you care for never truly is, no matter what the circumstances. Without going into detail, I wanted to post about it, because honestly, it has been a hard week trying to cope. I went with some coworkers & friends last night to attend his funeral. Working in a small company now, it just seems to hit harder than I could explain- as we are more like a small family than “just coworkers.” The service was hard to get through- he was only twenty-seven- a few mere months younger than I am. Seeing his children just made it even more painful, as they had spent time in the office when babysitters couldn’t be found.
There are always the “what-ifs” when you lose someone. Could something have been done or said to prevent this? The signs become abundant in hindsight, whether realistic or in some drastic kind of grasping for understanding. But no, there is nothing that can be done. We must cherish the good times we had with those we’ve lost in an attempt to fill the void left by their absence- there is no easy way to get through it. Unfortunately in my experience it seems, Time itself may be the biggest healer of all. Still, it is a void that will never truly be completely filled- at least, not for me.
A FEW GOOD LINKS.
- Dealing with Suicide > Gala Darling
- Coping with Suicide Loss
- How to Help Someone Who is Dealing with Suicide of a Loved one
