Emotionally Unavailable | Oh, silly Craigslist.

art, funny, life, random, site, web, weird, whatever
art, funny, life, random, site, web, weird, whatever

You:

-Must have a busy schedule. This must be legit. Holding down a 3.8 in the College of Engineering while working two jobs, running a business, publishing original research=busy. Sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, smoking with your friends, watching re-runs of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia=not busy.

That way, we can always blame everything on “timing.” (It’s not you or me)

-Must play control games with me. I will push and shove, and it is your job to non-verbally put me in my place by constantly “taking control of the situation.” This is how you will establish your “dominance.” This will not be easy (but that’s what makes it fun).

Other ways to stay in control: ask all the questions, do all of the interrogation. If I ever become upset, accuse me of being “emotional” or “unreasonable.” It’s always “inside my head.” Also, see me when it is convenient for you. Don’t always answer my calls. Remain somewhat aloof. You don’t want to let me have the upper hand.

-Must be willing to banter back and forth with me. I will get bored and lose interest otherwise.

-Must be into exciting and potentially dangerous activities, like stealing road signs, driving like a maniac, and getting arrested by the police.

Actually, scratch that last one. There is a difference between risky and reckless. Then there is ‘retarded.’ (I’m still undecided on where to place “posting personal ads on Craigslist.”)

In turn, will never call you too much (although I won’t hesitate to call you out) nor will I make you feel guilty about not “spending enough time with me.” I won’t nag you about commitment (or “where this relationship is going”) because it will never be that serious. We won’t talk about feelings because well, I’d rather not.

Only short-listed applicants will be contacted (no phone calls or multiple e-mails, please).

Post above taken from The Best of Craigslist. No, i did not write this, surprisingly enough. But probably should have?

best of craigslist, emotionally unavailable, funny, general nerdiness, more examples of my cynicism, wtf

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