So, according to USA Today, corporate “coffee” giant Starbucks is removing the words from their logo- meaning, “Starbucks Coffee.” Strange, right? Actually, i find this pretty fitting, considering i don’t consider Starbucks real coffee anyway. For a number of reasons, really- (this is what being a barista for 5 years gets you) but namely the fact that at most Starbucks, they don’t even tamp their own espresso, they just push a button. WTF?
THAT IS NOT REAL ESPRESSO MY FRIENDS. it’s an art in itself. Making a shot with the perfect amount of crema is something that takes skill. Not a button.
That being said, Starbucks has completely defiled the entire concept of coffee itself, as far as America goes. Thank god i don’t have to make coffee anymore for a living, because i think if i ever heard someone say something along the lines of,
“Can i get, like, a frap?” ever again, i might take a screwdriver to their temples. A frappucino is NOT a real coffee drink. it is diabetes in a cup, with a vague taste of coffee.
OTHER STUPID THINGS I’VE HEARD IN MY CAREER AS A BARISTA:
“Can i get a tai chi laddy?”
– it’s CHAI TEA LATTE. chai is amazing & originated in the middle east. I would recommend spiced chai with a bit of coconut syrup. Cinnamon on top.
“Is that the biggest size you have?”
– (in reference to a 24 ounce smoothie.) my reply? “Well, i have a bucket in back.”
“Can i get a cappuccino?”
– this involves some explanation. this girl is maybe 14. i explain to her that an actual cappuccino itself is strong, as it is just espresso & some steamed milk but mostly foam. she looks at me as though i have just escaped a mental hospital & insists she wants it. i make it perfect (very dry of course, for good measure,) & hiding behind the espresso machine, watch as she grimaces with every sip.
OKAY, okay. i’ll stop.
& for whatever reason, here’s a video i took when i was working as a barista, years ago. i did this often when bored. keep in mind: this is NOT by any means a perfect shot- it pulls quite quickly. but my my, look at that crema! (yes, i was listening to The Kinks.)
Want to know more about coffee? Click here to see my Barista 101: Coffee Consumption Guide.