barista

BARISTA 101

Okay, so i wanted to write about this very briefly. But, i felt the need to post about it because it involves two of my favorite things: coffee & design. or… sort of.

So, according to USA Today, corporate “coffee” giant Starbucks is removing the words from their logo- meaning, “Starbucks Coffee.” Strange, right? Actually, i find this pretty fitting, considering i don’t consider Starbucks real coffee anyway. For a number of reasons, really- (this is what being a barista for 5 years gets you) but namely the fact that at most Starbucks, they don’t even tamp their own espresso, they just push a button. WTF?
THAT IS NOT REAL ESPRESSO MY FRIENDS. it’s an art in itself. Making a shot with the perfect amount of crema is something that takes skill. Not a button.

That being said, Starbucks has completely defiled the entire concept of coffee itself, as far as America goes. Thank god i don’t have to make coffee anymore for a living, because i think if i ever heard someone say something along the lines of,
“Can i get, like, a frap?” ever again, i might take a screwdriver to their temples. A frappucino is NOT a real coffee drink. it is diabetes in a cup, with a vague taste of coffee.

OTHER STUPID THINGS I’VE HEARD IN MY CAREER AS A BARISTA:

“Can i get a tai chi laddy?”
– it’s CHAI TEA LATTE. chai is amazing & originated in the middle east. I would recommend spiced chai with a bit of coconut syrup. Cinnamon on top.
“Is that the biggest size you have?”
– (in reference to a 24 ounce smoothie.) my reply? “Well, i have a bucket in back.”
“Can i get a cappuccino?”
– this involves some explanation. this girl is maybe 14. i explain to her that an actual cappuccino itself is strong, as it is just espresso & some steamed milk but mostly foam. she looks at me as though i have just escaped a mental hospital & insists she wants it. i make it perfect (very dry of course, for good measure,) & hiding behind the espresso machine, watch as she grimaces with every sip.

OKAY, okay. i’ll stop.
& for whatever reason, here’s a video i took when i was working as a barista, years ago. i did this often when bored. keep in mind: this is NOT by any means a perfect shot- it pulls quite quickly. but my my, look at that crema! (yes, i was listening to The Kinks.)

Want to know more about coffee? Click here to see my Barista 101: Coffee Consumption Guide.

barista, coffee, espresso, typo

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It’s what you do when you’ve experienced the worst of the worst. You seek out people like you…people worse off than you…and you use them to make yourself feel better about the terrible things that have happened to you.

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