Some people seem to fade away but then when they are truly gone, it’s like they didn’t fade away at all.”
― Bob Dylan, Chronicles, Vol. 1
To say the very least, this has been a hard week.
I would like to try and explain what an amazing person Doug was- what an influence on my life he was; try to figure out if there’s a way for me to somehow convey in a few words who Doug Arrow was to me.
This is a heavy task.
Doug loved Lou Reed, good scotch, driving trucks. Animals loved Doug & were drawn to his gentle nature, mellow demeanor. He was an excellent writer. He taught himself to play guitar at a young age. Doug was a wonderful uncle. He was a neat person; he hated when the house was a mess. He was organized, and made his bed every morning. He liked finding adventures in daily life. He despised bad hair cuts. Doug introduced me to more of the music that is now closest to my heart than probably anyone else I have ever known. He had horrible luck; always seemed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was smart. He read wonderful books and worked for the ACLU for a time during the 2004 Election. He was a great listener, when he wanted to be.
And so, I lost one of my best friends this week. Someone who I have always seen as a person in my life who would always be there, no matter what- because, all things considered, he was.
D. was a man who I dated, formerly, in what I might refer to as “my past life” if you met me on the street, two months ago- he was my first real boyfriend, really.
He was a million things.
To make a very long, hopelessly sad and equally overly wearing story short, I will say this: Doug was a man who I met when I was nineteen, maybe eighteen. We were together for years. We would always find each other again, somehow. The last time I saw him was around this time last year. We spent a good weekend together. He was killed this past weekend in a car accident.
He was not driving.
There is anger. There is more pain than can be summed up in a few sentences. There is also more emotion, and love.
Though we haven’t been together for years for reasons no longer worth mentioning, D. was someone who changed my life in more ways than I could probably tell you. There are too many things. And those things are amazingly, beautifully personal, & I won’t forget them. He always kept up with my Blog, over the years. I thought it were only right if I wrote this.
Doug, i’ll be waiting forever to see you again in the next life
when we are cats
or something better.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman — Anaïs Nin